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What do you think of when someone says self-love? I would bet self-care comes to mind. Possibly a simple thought about how you generally feel about yourself? I operate with the idea that self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. It’s taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. I also think we need to be sure that we are not mistaking self-esteem with self-love. Self-esteem is conditional. Self-esteem is feeling good about yourself because you did something great or achieved a goal, look a certain way, etc. Self-esteem can be earned. Self-love is a truly unconditional love for yourself that doesn’t depend on anything. It’s acceptance of yourself, no matter what!
So, what’s your level of self-love? I like to address this question by thinking about the areas of wellness. I often start by asking my clients the following questions.
How much time do you spend with yourself and for yourself?
Do you pay attention to your own physical needs on a daily basis or do you wait until you are sick to slow down and rest?
How do you speak to and about yourself? What language patterns/programs are on repeat in your head? Which ones come out of your mouth regularly? Would you talk to your child this way?
Do you have healthy habits in place for mental, emotional, and physical health?
Do you allow yourself to dream and set goals for the future?
Do you spend time experiencing sexual pleasure? This includes intimacy and sensuality, not just physical interactions.
Do you allow yourself to experience the whole range of emotions and manage them in a healthy way?
Is your attitude about life generally one of complaint or gratitude?
Your answers to the above questions shine some light on all the ways you care for and about yourself. Raising your awareness to all areas of your wellness is the best place to begin. Then, always keep in mind that the way you love yourself is the way you teach others to love you. Start with acceptance for what is and joy and gratitude for all the ways you currently serve yourself. Let go of shame, anger, and resentment for any of the ways you served, or neglected to serve, yourself in the past. Finally, move forward with a simple plan to love yourself a little more each day. If you need help with that plan or any of the steps above, reach out! I have a 6 week Self-Love Coaching Program starting January 19 and each week, we'll hit on one of these topics and put some new habits into place to help upgrade your level of self-love!
Peace & Light,
Candace Kluba
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